Weight loss, child discipline, and the homeless

"Emmett, please don't do that" was the most common phrase I said during a trip to the grocery store yesterday. I finally resorted to bribery: "Okay Emmett, you can get those donuts ONLY if you listen and obey for the rest of the time we're here."

He didn't get the donuts. But since I had already bought them, I thought "I'll just eat them myself" (Little Red Hen philosophy). My diet doesn't endorse donuts. And I knew I would would be really disappointed in myself if I ate those donuts. But I was feeling pretty hungry, and my voice of reason gets bullied and ignored sometimes when I'm tired and grumpy (Emmett). But then I was saved by a guy who had a sign like this:

I don't think he knew he was saving me by taking those donuts. 

Unforgettable quotes

Emmett (while in bed): Mom!... Mom!... Mom!... My pajamas fell off!

Emmett (at the dinner table): I have a monster in my head.
Josh: I know.

Emmett: Mom, five plus five is eleven. Watch. (Then he counts his fingers, and they turn out to be eleven. Miraculously.)

Josh: Mom, can I pleeeeeeease mow the lawn???

Emmett: I don't like my brain. It doesn't listen to me!

Ryan: Josh, get your hand out of your pants.
4 seconds later: Josh, get your  hand out of your pants.
4 seconds later: Josh! Get your hand out of your pants!
Josh: Grrr! My hand has a mind of its own!!
(Sorry for that one...it was too funny to not post!)

Emmett: "my-own-self" = myself 
Example: Mom, I can pour my cereal my-own-self. Sometimes, though, it's shortened to "my-own." For example: Mom, can you help me? I can't do it by my-own.

Emmett, after cleaning some fish with Ryan, along with a very sincere hug: Dad, I really liked spending time with you when we ripped the fishes' guts out.

...huh...?

So, last night, we had family home evening. We're talking about the articles of faith, and we were on the second one (I know, we just started.): "We believe that man must be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's transgression." The discussion went something like this (after defining "punished" and "transgression" and introducing them to who Adam was):

Mom: Josh, do you think it would be fair if I stole a car and you had to go to jail because of it?

Josh: No

Dad: And Emmett, what if Josh stole a candy? Would it be fair if we took away your bike because he stole it?

Emmett: No

Mom: That's kind of what we're talking about. Adam did something he maybe shouldn't have, and we don't believe that we are punished for it. We believe that we are only punished if we do something bad, not because someone else did something bad.

Josh: So, it's like if Dad took off all the doorknobs and glued all the doors shut, we wouldn't get in trouble for it?

Dad: ...??...

Mom: ...??...

After a ponderous silence: Yes, Josh. That's right. If Dad removed all the doorknobs and glued all the doors shut, we wouldn't get in trouble for it.

Ha! I'm still laughing! Hilarious!! Josh definitely gets the random award of the week!!